I woke up this morning. Today is my 25th Birthday. The sun was already shining when I opened my eyes. What an absolute blessing it is that I am alive to see this day. The beautiful gift of life has been something I have taken for granted for far too long. A lot of you might not know this, but I shouldn’t be here right now. It is only by the Grace of God, and because SO many people care about me, that I am. On May 25th, 2019 I tried to take my own life. I was rushed to the hospital, and it was a terrifying and traumatizing experience for me, and everyone who loves me. And it’s something that I regret, deeply. A lot of people might not understand this. Maybe you’ve never found yourself in this position. I hope that you never do. I know it’s not reality at the moment, but I hope no one ever does. You might find yourself saying, “But I thought she was happy? I thought her life was great?” and you wouldn’t be wrong. I have a WONDERFUL life. And I have a million different reasons to stay in it. I AM happy. I WAS happy, even then. Even in the moment I made the decision to take my own life, deep down, I was happy. But you see the thing of it is, my mental illness didn’t give a fuck. My mental illness is a cold, selfish, merciless, unrelenting little bitch. It’s also a liar. And it doesn’t give a fuck about me, no matter how much I love life, or try to love myself. It just doesn’t care. And it never will. It didn’t care that I had dreams of going back to school, and eventually starting my own business. It didn’t care that I was in a relationship, or that we were planning our wedding. It didn’t care that I had a family, and a tiny little person calling me ‘Mama’. It didn’t care that I’m my Dog’s whole world. It didn’t care that my nephew has the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen. It didn’t care that he’s my BEST friend or that he looks up to me in a million different ways, and losing me would absolutely devastate him. It didn’t care that I’m passionate, and have grand ideas for how I’ll change the world. It doesn’t care about anything. But luckily I do. I care. And the people in my life care. So I made the decision to reach out, and get the help that I desperately needed. Even though it was scary, and I was afraid of what people would think. I did it because I wanted to live, and there was no way in hell I was going to let my mental illness win. And I’m making the decision now, to speak my truth. Even though it’s scary, and truthfully maybe I’m still afraid of what people might think. But it’s important. I’m not saying this for sympathy, or because I want people to feel sorry for me. I’m saying it because it’s IMPORTANT that we
and work together to end the stigma that surrounds mental illness. No one should be afraid to reach out. No one should have to be afraid to face judgment from the world when they are already contemplating something as heavy as escaping it. One lesson I’ve learned throughout my experience is that it’s never just 1 life that is impacted by a #suicide. It tears lives and families apart. And I’m sure that everyone on my friends list has been affected by #suicide at least once in their life. So this year for my Birthday I am asking for donations to this cause, because I don’t want #suicide affecting the lives of me or the people I love. And I believe that the programs they offer, and many others like it can help with the epidemic. This organization is so important. It provides programs and resources for survivors of suicide loss and people at risk, so that we can stop losing the great people in our lives that we hold so dear to us. But more importantly, I’m just asking for you to help me
Don’t be afraid to speak up, and speak your truth. Don’t be afraid to reach out. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Don’t be afraid of having an honest conversation with someone you love, or someone who can help. Whether it is you, or someone you know struggling with suicide, there is always someone who cares, and there are so many ways that you can find help. And there is ALWAYS a reason to live. Even if it can sometimes be scary. So today I ask you to take your time to read this, share it and
with me, friends. Reach out to someone today. I also want you to know that if you are currently struggling, or have ever struggled with a mental illness or suicidal thoughts, my inbox is always open. Thank you all and God Bless.
I am very happy to help #StartTheConversation, because the hard stuff is even more important to talk about than the easy stuff.