A couple of weeks ago I said to my husband “You are not allowed to have feelings for the next month!!!” If he is tired, I’m twice as tired. If he is sore, I’m twice as sore. Every inch of my body is in pain and swollen and I’m barely getting enough sleep to survive. I’m 9.5 months pregnant and ready to get this thing out of me! Luckily I have a very sweet and understanding husband. If I didn’t, I would probably be single by now. I wrote one blog about what it was like to love a person with mental illness–I can guarantee it gets harder when said person gets pregnant. I should never invalidate my husbands feelings, regardless of my own; but it’s tough, sometimes, to be there for someone else when you feel like you’re barely hanging on. The fact is, the more I can be there for him and be sensitive to his needs, the more he can be there for me. We are a team. Sometimes I just need to acknowledge him and what he’s going through as he does for me. The fact is that I couldn’t do this (efficiently or successfully, that is) without him. I know that if he could he would carry this baby for us and take all of the suffering on his own. The fact is, HE CAN’T and he shouldn’t be faulted for that. It is a blessing to be pregnant–to grow a life–though I’m having a difficult time remembering why, as I type this with my gigantic, swollen, fingers.
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